Natural Submissives

Some people are naturally giving, submissive people. It is imperative that people around them remain vigilant in being aware of how you treat them, This is especially true in churches where it's so easy to overwhelm a naturally submissive person into doing the grunt work of the church. If there are one or two people in the church doing a lot of the work, there is something sick and silently abusive in that church. (Naturally giving and submissive people are not necessarily meek and quiet. We can be quite rambunctious! ) Jesus was a giving, submissive person who stood up for himself when it was appropriate (ie clearing the moneychangers) or submitting to the needs of the world (ie the Cross). Naturally submissive people are good at the submitting to the needs of the world while totally ignoring their own needs. They often need help emulating Jesus' ability to stand up for Himself and protect Himself. They need to be allowed to say "no" and not be coerced into doing more stuff.

I think church pastors and elders need to be particularly aware of natural submissives in their congregations, adult and children. Some adults are in excellent marriages with partners who work hard to help them find their "no" and own it. Those submissives are people that are a joy to watch. Some have been snatched up by abusers who have the form of "good Christians" and are being quietly and systematically used in abusive ways. Just because someone (male or female) seems like a wonderful person does not mean that they are not abusive to those with a bent toward submission. It's important that people in the church be aware of the undertones to personal interactions between spouses, families, and church workers.

Natural submissives often love God very deeply. It is natural for us to be willing to do whatever the Lord wants us to do. We can be very wise and knowledgable, or not. We are not stupid. We have a blind spot that we need help seeing, just as every person in the Body of Christ has their own blind spots where they need loving brothers and sisters to help them be aware of when they are going too far in one direction. For far too long the church has turned a blind eye to natural submissives' blind spot and allowed us to be abused. Some in the church have made natural submissives into martyrs rather than realize that their "martyrdom" is actually sin that needs to be confronted not exploited.

It's taken me a long time to realize my nature and come to grips with how to deal in healthy ways in relationships, including churches. I've spent the last 6+ years not being involved in church work at all because I know it's dangerous for me. It's not wrong for me to be submissive. I'm also not some extra-holy saint because I am. Just as people with the gift of mercy need to be aware of the negative ways that trait can be used or those with the gift of administration can unknowingly twist it into negative behaviors, I have a gift that has negative consequences if I'm not careful, aware, and always listening to God's voice rather than the voices of the people around me.

Being a naturally submissive person is not a spiritual gift. It is a natural characteristic of who a person is. My spiritual gifts are not mercy and helps and service. Those are natural characteristics of my personality. My spiritual gifts cluster around the “pastoral” gifts: preaching, teaching, exhortation, wisdom, knowledge. A natural submissive, given the proper boundaries and channeling their submissive personality correctly, could be an excellent pastor. There are some hurdles that a naturally dominant person wouldn’t have to deal with, but they’ve got other issues they need to deal with if they’re a pastor.

It is easy for me to fall into my natural self and submit to the physical needs of a church family. I’m in heaven if I get to cook huge meals to feed a lot of people. Churches who know that are apt to pigeon hole me into “kitchen work” and not bother to realize that my staying in that position is actually sinful for me. To do so occasionally, is fine, but it’s indulging my natural self and not using my spiritual gifts. To push myself into doing what God has called me to do, would be the correct thing to do. But it doesn’t fit many churches view of what a woman should do so they don’t bother to discover who I am in Christ’s Kingdom.

What is really sad about all of that is that there may be many other people in the church who are indulging their natural inclinations rather than doing the work the Lord has called them to do in the Body of Christ. What if someone is naturally dominant and is leading education classes when what they are actually called to do is be a greeter? How differently could the Body of Christ be affected if they were properly using their spiritual gifts? There are spiritual lessons that they are not learning, that may be very important for their spiritual development, because they’ve gone with their natural giftings rather than the spiritual gifts God gave them.

It is especially important that adults be aware of the natural inclinations of children. Naturally submissive children are easy prey for predators and abusers. Giving them the tools they need to be self-protective is important to help prevent their abuse. Naturally dominant children can easily become bullies and abusers, if they are not re-directed into other avenues of behavior. They need a different set of tools. What a blessing if the adults in a child’s life understand who each child is and helps them, individually, to become a healthy, happy adult able to connect safely with their world.